A girl, about the 5 years old wanted to go outside to play but she couldn't because it was raining. When it was summer she would go outside every day and play on her play set but during winter she was stuck inside.
She couldn't find anything to do in her room so she decided to sit and watch the rain. While watching the rain she watched individual rain drops slide down the window making invisible zig zags. She listened to the loud rain hitting the rooftop.
After ten minutes her mom came into her room to check on her and the girl told her mom she wanted it to be sunny outside. Her mom told her that good things happen to you when you're patient. So the little girl just looked at her mom, said okay and went back to watching the rain, waiting patiently to see what the next day would bring.
I really liked this piece, mainly because I'm in love with the rain. I enjoyed how you described the rain on the window pane and how it moves upon it. That was well done. I think there could have been more showing inside the piece, like showing how the girl felt about being patient.
ReplyDeletethat was a really cute piece. i liked the story alot it was very detailed. i feel like you could have had more explanation. but overall it was really great peice.
ReplyDeletei really liked this peice, i would like more detail about the rain and i think "zig-zag" is kind of a chiche
ReplyDeletereally good! it was relateable because all of us have at one point just stared outside while it rained. i think you should reword the first paragraph it was confusing.
ReplyDeleteI like the story of this peice a lot. In some parts I thought it was a little repetative, but over all it was good and I could picture everything I was reading.
ReplyDeleteIm in agreement with Cassidy in that the beginning was a tad repetitive. Try a tad more showing. Maybe using some predicate nominatives for the rain.Very cute though, i love the story :]
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