While sitting on a bench during my passing period in 8th grade I heard this couple fighting.
When I looked at the girl she had a hopeful but sad look in her eyes when she said "Can we talk?"
He looked at her for a second like he was trying to figure out if he should talk to her or not.Then he finally said "Fine" but it wasn't in a way that sounded like he really wanted to. When he said yes you could see her eyes light up a little.
"I know you are mad at me and think I'm a b**** ..." she said with a look of regret in her eyes.
He interrupted her in mid sentence, but wasn't yelling at her, when he said "Ya, you are a b**** and you can't just say your sorry to fix it."
They looked at each other for a moment and then the bell rang. They stood there for a second not moving and then he told her he had to go in a way that sounded like he was holding his anger back. When he passed by her you could see her eyes start to get watery so she walked away quickly.
After they left to go to class I also went to class and never really heard about them until later that year, which was about them getting back together.
I like how your telling a story of kinda sad love. I thought that was a new type and I liked it. I think you could work on more dialogue in the story. Maybe tell a part when they are fighting.
ReplyDeleteIn the second to last paragraph I was there. I was able to enter the story and I felt like the girl. There is so much tension in that paragraph and its really good. Maybe what you could add would be a background story or more of an explanation of why they're fight.
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