Friday, September 16, 2011

Strings of Memories-CNF

     I remember my mom and I lying under the thick blankets watching TV. I remember how my mom would brush my hair, how it would make me feel relaxed. I remember going to the zoo with my mom, little brother and my little sister and being amazed by all the animals. I remember the time when my mom let me wear her lipstick when I was six and how I was jumping up and down I was so excited. I remember how my mom would lie with me in my bed when I was five and how she made me feel like nothing was going to happen to me. I remember when my mom took me to get my first dog for my seventh birthday, how I knew right away that I wanted him and loved him. I remember the time when my family and some of my friends went to the snow and my friends, my brother and my sister and I had a big snowball fight and how the snow would sting my face whenever I got hit. I remember how my mom would bring home a little surprise sometimes when she got home from work. I remember when my mom, my sister and I all laid in my moms bed with her thick soft blankets and stayed up all night watching movies. I remember the times when my mom would let me and my brother and sister come to her work when she was the only one at her office. I remember when my family, my cousin and his friends went camping and how they all cheered for me when I jumped off the 50 foot waterfall and how I felt like I was flying through the air like a bird. I remember when my mom surprised me on my birthday by getting me out of school early and taking me out to lunch.

3 comments:

  1. said....
    you saying "i" repeatley was real effective to me because it flowed through out the writing. one thing you could approve on is on,is you you can combine many sentences.

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  2. I think you could have gone into more detail when it comes to going to the zoo, you said "I feel" and try to avoid it and show it. I liked how you said that the ice from the snowball stings your face. Really good, and cute font!

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  3. I really like this story. But, you should explain more, because it was a little vague.

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